Growing up "well groomed" | Parts 1 & 2
[Trigger Warning: child sexual assault]
I wrote this set in February of 2020, after my abuser accepted a last minute plea as jury selection was about to begin. My abuser has since been sentenced, but suffice it to say, that he has not been punished by the fullest extent of the law...#savethechildren
Memories starting at 5 years old.
Your eyes on my body,
a broken arm and ashy knees.
It got worse before I got better.
Am I even better yet?
6 in their bed & his hands are cold.
Logic tells him to put them in my pants.
He likes how I taste on his fingers.
I'm not better yet...
7, 8 & 9
I'm focusing on my balance
as I kneel over your face.
His jaw clicks as it swallows me whole.
My brain has amputated me from the waist down.
I feel nothing as he digs into me.
How can they not see?
10, 11, 12
and I'm still not better.
Wandering aimlessly in the woods
naked and alone.
I'm neither, and both.
He led me here like prey.
He took all of it for himself &
left us like clippings,
dumped from a wagon.
He's driving slow and I'm
screaming silence in the
passenger seat.
No, I'm sorry--there's no one I can call.
Part 2
My head cut off my legs-
or was it him?
I don't think I can walk.
My head cut off my legs.
It was the only way we
could survive.
He chewed me up and spat me out
in pieces.
But he kept my legs &
everything in between them.
Dislodged his jaw to
swallow a child whole.
I have to find the pieces--
what have I forgotten?
Lips, hands, breasts & belly button
check
Teeth, eyes, voice
check
Where are my legs?
Where is my heart?
Where are your hands?
You said they were cold
But I don't feel a thing.
I cut off my legs
and I hid them from you.
Trouble is--they up & ran away again
Quinn Singer is a child sexual abuse survivor and victim advocate. If you or someone you love has been affected by child abuse or sexual assault, you are not alone. The phone number to reach the National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-646-HOPE (4673) and is available 24 hours a day. You deserve peace, you deserve healing.