What you see here is an illusion
One of the things that I am being forced to focus on at this time is the evolution of The New Indigo. This brand is my creative child, that has allowed me to deeply demonstrate & continue to discover the layers of my calling. If I am going to make appropriate use of the time Divine has given us, during this social distancing, it means that I am going to have to get up close and personal with my Self. And not just me, but anyone whose been labeled as "non-essential" (a label I am currently struggling with, as I would never identify my self or the work I do as such). Let us not embody the "non-essential", but use this time to re-discover just how "essential" our Self truly is, in the grander scheme of things.
As I have spent time in reflection about my brand and the cycles it has run over the last 2-3 years, I am confronting some deep spiritual questions about The New Indigo and it's role in my past, present & future. I love the platform we have created together to connect magick makers & truth seekers. But I personally have struggled with commitment, self trust & providing a consistent offering that feels like it fits into where I truly am in my journey. The New Indigo was crested during a time when my personal identity was evolving & I felt that I needed a safer virtual space to express my inner truths.
In many ways, The New Indigo has genuinely provided that space to me, and to others. But in my reflections, I know that there are big parts of my life and my story that do not get shared on The New Indigo, or on my personal social media accounts. It has always been my M.O. to limit the access other's have to me, physically and emotionally. Social media provides me the distance and format to create genuine connections without having to let others too close to my inner world. My fears keep my secrets, and my secrets are my blessing and my curse. I know the secrecy that runs through the generations of my family(families) was meant to be disrupted; and I know that I am meant to be the disruption. This may be another story for another time, but I know it will eventually have to be shared.
So I ask myself, how do I create deeper, more authentic connections, how do I share more of myself, without betraying my innate need for privacy, how do I create offerings that fulfill the needs of the people I am entrusted to & to help make their lives more meaningful, beautiful & magickal. How do I commit deeper to living The New Indigo, sharing The New Indigo and growing The New Indigo? How do I continue to dissolve the illusions I've created out of safety? How do I protect my Self, while still sharing the most meaningful & impactful parts of my life without exposing my Self & my loved ones to the ugliness of virtual trolls?
The truth is that I know I need to commit deeper, to commit differently and to face my fears. But with that truth, also comes the need to release and break through blockages. I know, from sharing in other safe virtual spaces, that my stories and my life experiences resonate with others. I know that others will benefit from me sharing my journey. I finally feel, for the first time that I not only have the voice I have been needing, but I also finally have the clarity I need to provide a narrative for & remaster my traumas.
I think one of the most important lessons I have learned, not only from my own experiences as a survivor, but through my work with victims and traumatized individuals, is that not everyone and everywhere is a safe space to share an elicit healing. Especially that people and places we most expect to be. Up until this point, sharing the real details of my life is not something that I would have found therapeutic and in fact it would have been detrimental, and in some cases was (whether I realized it at the time, or not). Discernment is, in my opinion, one of the best things a survivor can develop, as a self-healing & protecting mechanism. Discernment has been a major theme in my journey, and it's a skill I am still honing.
So in a way, I have shared quite a bit more of my self than I could've ever imagined, while at the same time, my secrets still drive the ship. While maintaining a healthy distance from my social reality, I have learned some really important lessons & I am finally ready to bring you all a little bit closer to my inner truths. While 2019 was the year of The Empress for me, this year has been the year of the High Priestess. I am finally ready to step fully into my true Self, to allow others to bare witness to the good, the bad, the ugly, and share with you my trials and tribulations in a way that allow us to relate on a deeper level and to feel safer with one another.
I'm looking forward to getting really real with you and letting the ones I love in just a little bit closer. Thank you for being my safe space, thank you for you support and for your love. I wouldn't be where I am without you and every other blessing from The Divine.